This weekend, Mom and I watched The Force Awakens. She hadn’t seen it before, which is not unusual because I have to preview most things so I can tell her everything is going to be okay. Sort of like her personal Does The Dog Die. It’s a good system for us. I can reassure her, and I get at least one uninterrupted viewing.
Because Mom usually has a lot to say.
Speaking of SPOILERS (which I will be; this is your warning)…
As the opening crawl appears, I’m debating how much to tell her. This is my job, after all. I figure, I’ll get the basics out of the way, and let the details unfold.
Me: So, you should know, a major character gets killed.
Mom: What??
Me: You know it has to happen. Obi Wan had to die in the first one so Luke could do his Hero’s Journey thing.
Mom: Luke dies??????
Me: No.
Mom: Is it Leia?
Me: No.
Mom: Chewbacca?
Me: No.
Mom: *thinks* Is it Han?
Me: Yes. *watches warily for reaction*
Mom: Oh, well. He’s gotten really old anyway.
[I would have called that a burn, but it was too cold.]
Finn gets shot at, nearly blasted. Entire planets blow up. Cantina Castle implodes.
Mom: DON’T LOSE LUKE’S LIGHTSABER.
Me: Jeez, Mom. Priorities.
Mom: If that lady with the glasses kept it in a box all this time, it must be important. Does she die? I really like her. Get on the Internet and find out.
Kylo Ren gets emo while the Darth Vader music plays. Cut to reveal Darth Vader Mask.
Mom: Wait. So he’s Luke’s son?
Me: No, Mom. He’s Han’s kid.
Mom: How… but how is Vader his grandfather then?
Me: He’s Han and Leia’s kid.
Mom: Really? Huh. I can’t picture them as good parents.
Me: Apparently they weren’t.
Mom: *pause* He really needs a haircut.
Finn and Kylo Ren fight at the end.
Mom: Does he (meaning Finn) die?
Me: No.
Mom: Does she (meaning Rey) die?
Me: No.
Mom: Does the bad guy (meaning Kylo Ren) die?
Me: No.
Mom: *pause* Well, that’s disappointing.
Big awesome fight between Ren and Rey.
Mom: (re: Kylo Ren and Rey) They’re brother and sister.
Me: We don’t know yet.
Mom: No, I’m saying, I bet they’re brother and sister.
Me: They won’t do that. They already did that with Luke and Leia.
Mom: I don’t know. They keep rebuilding the Death Star with an access tunnel.
The credits roll.
Mom: Well, I’m glad the Hilter guy died.
Me: He didn’t die, Mom. The Supreme Leader Gollum told him to take a ship and get Kylo Ren and meet him.
Mom: *sigh* What I want to know is why are there so many people who want to be the supreme ruler. Sauron, and Voldemort, and the Emperor, now this guy. Why do all these guys want to be in charge? Where do they come from?
Me: Trump Tower, I think.
Mom: That’s not funny. She notices I’ve been taking notes. You’re not going to Tweet this, are you?
Me: I think I’m going to start a blog thing. I’ll call it a “Mom-entary.” What do you think?
Mom: I think that’s too much pressure on me. Just make me seem funny and nice.
Me: Not a problem. [Note: I didn’t make any of this stuff up.]
Mom: And don’t tell them that I called Han Solo old. I think he’s younger than me.
Me: Actually, I think he’s older.
Mom: Well, that’s a relief.
—
Be nice in the comments, she may read this to keep me honest.
Rosemary Clement-Moore 
I love Mom-entary! If you watch any more movies with her, please ask if you can keep it up!
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She’s excited if it means we’ll watch more movies. 😀 (Glad you enjoyed.)
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LMAO That was hilarious! Your mom’s awesome!! Please keep up the Mom-entary! And it’s my belief that Rey and Kylo Ren are cousins. 😉 lol I don’t know if I read that somewhere or if my subconscious/memories made it up but I thought I read it… Anyway, I know I read that, in the books, Luke gets married and has kids, but I also read that they’re not going to be following the books so it’ll be like books from a certain time and onward won’t count anymore, like they never happened. Blame it on an alternate universe maybe? Whatever. I firmly believe until I’m shown/told otherwise in the movies that Kylo Ren and Rey are cousins and that Rey is Luke’s daughter. There’s my theory. 😉 hehe
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That makes a lot of sense (cousins). It would make more sense than their being siblings. I think/hope she’s another bloodline, though. Maybe one we know (ahem*Kenobi*ahem) or one we don’t. (I haven’t watch or read any of the expanded universe stuff, though.)
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It would be nice to introduce a new bloodline. I don’t know about Obi Wan though. Jedi weren’t supposed to get married and have relations like that and he was pretty straight laced with the rules…Although the cgi cartoon they had on tv for several years concerning the time between the 2nd and 3rd episode showed that he had fallen in love at one point but both he and the woman did their best to stay apart and to obey the rules. They succeeded at it of course, especially after she died.😭
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Now I must watch this series. Is that The Clone Wars? And it could be that family without being his direct descendent. That said, it’s a big galaxy and not everyone has to be related.
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Yep, Clone Wars. Oooooh! I never thought of a relative of Obi Wan. Good point!
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OMG I love your mother. LOL
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I’m pretty fond of her, too. 😀 At least this posts reminds me why she’s awesome, for the times when she’s driving me crazy. (As all moms do.)
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