My mother has been eagerly awaiting the release of Independence Day: Resurgence. And by “eagerly awaiting,” I mean that she started texting me links to the trailer in January.
As soon as last week’s Movie Momentary went up, she started in. “Well, now we have to go see Independence Day.” And I’m like, “Mom, you can talk during a movie in the theater.” And she’s all, “I’ll talk quietly. Or we’ll talk about it after. And you can tax deduct the tickets.”
So we go to the movies.
First show of the day at Rave Movie Theater at the North East Mall. I didn’t know this when I picked the place, but they have actual recliners for seats. Like, I don’t have chairs this nice in my house. There are also five people in the theater, including us, so the talking thing isn’t such a problem.
Which is a good thing, because seriously, the first big alien ship that shows up, Mom is like, “THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER.”
Me: Mom, don’t be a ham just to get on the blog.
Mom: I’m not. I love this movie.
Me: Nothing has happened yet.
Mom: But there’s Jeff Goldblum and this giant spaceship. LOOK HOW GIANT IT IS.
An aside about my mother’s feelings about Jeff Goldblum: It took me a stupid long time to realize that mom has a “thing.” I only realized why when Goldblum got older. He bears a resemblance to my dad—tall and loose-limbed, dark-haired and dark-eyed, a little rawboned in the face, and usually playing the absentminded genius type. I see it—and now even the thought of Earth Girls Are Easy squicks me out.
Anyway, most of Mom’s comments were along these lines. (She doesn’t get out to see movies on the big screen very often.)
Mom: I can’t believe how good these special effects are!
Me: *viewing the screen askance as people and boats and the pacific ocean are getting sucked up toward the spacecraft because it’s so big it has its own gravity.* I don’t think that can happen.
Mom: It’s so big it has its own gravity. They said so.
Me: That doesn’t change physics because Jeff Goldblum said it.
Mom: *pout* Why do you have to spoil everything with your stupid “science.” (The airquotes are a direct quote.)
Then Doctor Oaken from the first movie comes out of his coma (spoiler) and acts all crazy because people who had close encounters (ha!) with the aliens 20 years ago have visions and stuff (spoiler).
Mom: That’s Data!
Me: Yeah, Mom. He’s the guy who got the tentacles wrapped around his throat in the first move. The one at Area 51.
Mom: I know that. I mean, I didn’t know that was Data from Star Trek.
Now, just to put this in perspective, Independence Day has, for the last 20 years, played maybe every other month on TV, usually on back to back showings. There’s like four days straight of it around July 4th. And my mother will watch it Every. Single. Time. She also owns it on DVD and iTunes, it’s recorded on the DVR, and frequently on Netflix. So at a conservative estimate, Mom has seen this movie 500 times. It’s her comfort food of movies, and wallpaper when she’s puttering and alone in the house.
But she’d never noticed that was Data until now.
Me: Are you even embarrassed that you didn’t know this?
Mom: *pause* A little.
So, fighter fights, bombing runs, sundry implausible schemes by Jeff ugh-my-mother’s-crush Goldbloom. Then the Queen Alien gets her ship blown up, and she dons her going out on the town bio-organic armor and stomps over to the bunker. She’s huge. And she’s got these tentacles whipping around, and the ground shakes beneath her as she makes her relentless way to the McGuffin.
Me: “Get away from her, you bitch.”
Mom: What? Was that from something?
Mom: You’re so weird.
Oak, meet acorn.
Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans. In the words of Abraham Lincoln: